This post could go in the category of Life (because it happened to me), Humour (if you take pleasure in laughing at me because in happened to me) or I could add a new category called Ridiculous but I won’t because I hope not to collect too much of ridiculousness in my life henceforth. I’ll just make do with putting this in both the first two categories. You might be appalled or you might snigger, don’t let me limit you. I have shared these Ridiculous Things That Have Been Said To Me verbally with a few people and I wanted to widen the net simply because the whim took me.
Now, most of the most Ridiculous Things That Have Been Said To Me are courtesy of my soon to be ex in-laws. Either they have no boundaries or I have way too many. Oh, all these things also came out of the mouths of the female in-laws, you know as they say, women really understand women best. Sheesh.
1. Why didn’t you change your name? I thought this was being asked of my surname which I had not changed after marriage. I was at once put right on the intent of the question, she meant my first name. Duh!
2. What do you wear to bed? Asked by the one person who should have never asked me this question. I’ll let you guess who that was.
3. You have big teeth. I have been to several dentists, none who have stumbled backwards, backtracked and tripped over things in their hurry to get out of the room and away from this person with giant teeth.
4. Why is your hair so black? I was so tempted to say something sarcastic about how I was born a blonde and then got cursed by an evil witch who cast me into the darkest shades of brunette-dom. But I didn’t. Because the sarcasm would have been wasted on that person.
5. You must get your eyes fixed. You cannot marry with glasses. Oh, how had I missed the masses of unmarried spinsters who ended up that way due to myopia!? *I did get Lasik surgery done, but that was for the pure pleasure of being able to wear sunglasses, not marry.
6. I haven’t heard you sing or dance yet. Um, last I checked, that is not part of the job description of being a daughter-in-law.
7. You have been married a year now. Time for a baby. Alright, since you clearly are the right one to make that decision.
8. If I had time, I would redecorate your whole house. Yes! That makes complete sense because I am the architect and you are……..? Also, I love how everything in your house is pink, totally my colour. Not.
9. Are you sure you want to wear what you picked out for your engagement ceremony? Why not wear what we bought for you? (Something you have never seen or tried on yet. Or bought jewelry for.) Do I need to respond?
10. Why did you buy:
- These curtains
- These knives
- This tablecloth
- These cushion covers
- This table
- These plastic containers
- These coasters
- This dress
- Those earrings
- That bedsheet
- Those ornamental candles
- These teacups
- This flask
- Those slippers
- Those glasses
- That frying pan
- That oil
- That flour
- That brand of dishwashing liquid
- That ladle
- And on and on and on…………….and on and on and on…………..and on……..
11. Why don’t you dress like me, or her, like us? Because I am a different entity, with the right to have my own choices, with an aversion to the kind of things you wear, especially all that pink and sequins.
12. Don’t talk to my son while he drives, he’ll get distracted. Don’t talk to me ever, I’ll believe in your intelligence a little less with each word.
13. He’s a child. Fondly said of my above 30 year old husband.
14. You mustn’t use birth control. Ah….like the ancients.
15. Why did you have to work? Why couldn’t you just look after the house and my son? On learning of the imminent separation, from my mouth not her cowardly son’s.
Is it just me? Do I attract people like this into my life or was this just one of those times the person up there thought, let me throw this girl into a world where she will never fit in and have a few laughs. If so, person up there, I am waiting for the apology gift and it better be good.